Five Years.

Five years. Who I have metamorphosed into can be traced to the experiences within these past five years. I used to be some little girl who followed what her family told her - act like this, only say this, only do this. I could have gotten lost in it - I could have become very sheltered. I stand today better knowing how the world works... &how my family works. Culture plays into this - male roles, female roles, filipino family lifestyles at its absolute fullest. As a first generation American, we are still raised as if we were living in the Philippines. Boys do this, girls do that, children do this &can never do that. To stand up for oneself is never taught, never tolerated. I, unknowingly, made one decision that affected my whole life. That decision? Getting into my first relationship, which was a pretty successful relationship... Until it wasn't &ended. However, that's not the point. He was a couple specks of the bigger picture. If it weren't for my decision to pursue a little crush, my darkest secret would have never been exposed to my family. The chain of events affecting my family would not have occurred. I wouldn't know my brothers as much as I do. I wouldn't know my oldest cousin on my father's side as I do now. Granted, I wouldn't be going through such a hard time these past few months, but heck - aren't we supposed to do something every day that fears us? These emotions, this lack of self-control scares me. Very much. Feeling loneliness, betrayal, aimlessness. It's very dark. But I guess at this point in my life, there's nothing to lose. I'm pretty sure this will happen a lot in life. This first time, however, is the real test. It may take me longer than others, but I'm trekking on through.

&To think, if I didn't have that crush in the 10th grade, this all would have never happened.

I'm still learning about myself, still regaining my strength. I guess, readers, stay tuned - it'll come sooner or later.

Every decision we make is a life-changing decision.