Guarded.

Photography by Katie Parker

I'm not going to pretend that I'm wise. I can honestly say I don't know what I'm going to be doing a year from today, or heck - even a day from today. I thought that once I believe in something, I'll believe in that forever. This is not true. I'm sad to say that I'm not sure I believe in love anymore. It's a myth in my book, in my mind. I used to be infatuated with finding love, with finding the man that will sweep me off my feet, to find the man that I can save. But honestly, I don't think there is any one I can save. I'm not sure I can ever save myself right now. Right now, I'm just surviving. Right now, that's all I can do.

My past relationships have taught me to live in the moment. I used to be the girl who had everything planned: who I was going to marry, what my career would be, how many kids I'll have, etc. I, honestly, would have been mediocre. And I don't want to be mediocre. I've stopped being that girl that said "yes" to everything. The girl that did everything for everyone else and nothing for herself. I'll apologize if I intentionally hurt someone, but I'm not going to apologize for doing things that keep me happy and keep me surviving. We only have ourselves to look after. No one else. And if you think you have a responsibility to someone, you don't. You're chaining yourself.

So I'm not going to chain myself to the first guy that says they want me, thinking that they care for me. I'm not going to believe the lies people say when they act differently. I'm not going to make stories in my head, hoping you'd fill those shoes. I'm not going to be the person you want me to be just so you get an ego boost. And lastly, I'm not going to pretend to care for you just because society says I should.

I'm not going to pretend I'm wise. I'm naive as hell. But my instincts say I deserve to be happy. And that's what I'll do.