Suddenly I See.

My friends just aren't my thing. At least, some of them. I know, I know... It sounds cold &horrible, but it's just true. I seem to be losing them left &right. I guess it's just that we're all changing and growing apart from each other. It's definitely not cuz I don't try. I treat them exactly the same even when they push me away. I still ask them if they want to hang &whatnot. Once it gets bad, I give them the same effort they give me.

That's when it all ends.

Sucks. But I figured that I don't deserve being treated that way by my friends. Right?

I don't need any unnecessary stress in my life. I'll deal.

But can you?

Mistakes.

I fucked up my car today. Not horribly fucked up, but fucked up enough. CJ got on my case about it, which is predictable, but he just wouldn't stop.

I get it, I get it. It was a stupid, foolish, dumb, moronic mistake. But man... I make mistakes. The one thing I was always afraid of (which is pretty insignificant in broader matters)was being so good and so pristine (at least in terms of academics and family). Once that becomes accomplished, everyone around me will always assume that every day and every minute I'm like that... that I always live up to that. And then - then mistakes are unthinkable. Well, it seems that I'm there.

It actually makes me somewhat sorry for surpassing people's expectations of me. I want to be able to make mistakes and not feel so incredibly horrible I've made one. I understand why it is an error &I know not to do it again. But really. I make mistakes.

I guess it even shocked me. It's possible. So give me some slack.

Please?

Rising Above.

There's a problem that I'm facing at the moment that I'm trying to not think about, yet, for some weird reason, it bugs me. It bugs me that people can be so narrow-minded and caught up with their ownselves that they completely and utterly disregard their "friends." Then they go back and turn it around on them if they are treated that way for just a second. I'm not interested in any unnecessary, immature drama. I've always known what my priorities are. And until recently, I've also learned to not be treated like a doormat. You may once have been a priority of mine, but once you slip up (and I'm not talking about small, insignificant flaking. I'm talking about not being there when my life has changed, especially when you expect me to be there when a single tear falls down your eye. And even then, I'm there.) my priorities realign. I don't need to exclaim to the world every minute when someone fucks me over. I don't need any of that useless complaining. Oh, I mean venting. My life doesn't have to be "perfect." At least not now or at all. I don't pretend that it is, either. I'm just grateful for my core people, those who won't turn around on what they said a few years, or even a few weeks, back. Those who get the picture.

All my ideas may seem scattered, but only those who this accounts for will truly get it.

Thank the Lord no one really reads this shit. Haha.

So from now on, this is me.. rising above.

I get my shit straight, thank you very much.