Cornered.

I'm not a selfish person. I am interpreted as an incredibly selfless person, always thinking about others besides myself. You'd think that this lifestyle is better for all, however, there are people that take advantage of this. I don't know if there's something in their DNA that just does not allow them to recognize enough is enough or some things or requests should just not be said or asked. There is a real medical condition for this, but I would really doubt that anyone I know has this. So there really is no excuse, especially if any one of you have known me for a while. I rarely hold a grudge. I do not like awkward silence. I let things go willingly. I'm fine with this because what we have are short lives. I'm not going to waste my time on drama, arguments, misunderstandings or stupid fights. Nevertheless, there is a line. There always is a line. I can only allow the blame to be on me for so long. I need effort, acknowledgment, appreciation. I need understanding, openmindedness, acceptance. All I've been feeling for a little more than a month now is closedmindedness, blocking out, bossiness &coldness. I finally understand that most of the people in the world are selfish. I had a talk with a really close friend about this a couple days ago. I told them that I can accept this, but I will still be as selfless as I can be. It is internally rewarding for me most of the time. However, right now, I can see at last why people are so selfish. Does it warm your insides that you corner people with seeming "understanding," open "genuine" acknowledgments &taking back words and agreements you have said?

I'm a fucking doormat most of the time &right now, I'm absolutely tired of it. I'm tired of hearing your 3rd grade tantrums, being the scapegoat for all your sadness, anger &jealousy aimed @everyone that was left behind. I have been accepting all of this because I knew that you didn't really mean it towards me. I understood you. I still understand you. I'm allowing you to finish releasing all your annoyances with me. So this - this is me finally standing up &telling you to open your eyes before I finally walk away. Because I will walk away. I never go back on my word. I always do what I'm told. I endure so many things I shouldn't but I really don't give a fuck until you oh so elegantly turn the tables on me.

This is me being selfish. Get used to it. I told you I don't take shit from anyone. Don't ever think you're the exception. I should never be treated like shit.

Harder to Breathe.

School's begun. I've been looking forward to it since the beginning of Finals Week last semester. Now that it's here, why do I feel unprepared?

I'm tired of feeling suffocated by my misconceived 'priorities.' Why do I act like I care? I don't. Honestly, all I care about right now are my true friends, research, work &studies. I'm a big enemy of unnecessary drama. I'm putting my blinders on. Get used to the side I'll be putting you on: seen or unseen.

INFATUATIONNNN.

Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me.

It's a losing game, isn't it? ♥

"All good things must come to an end."

Thanks for the adventures. ♥