Over It.

I don't need any unnecessary drama. Why bother? I thought I knew, but I'm learning that it's just all wrong. Maybe it's just isn't supposed to happen. Who doesn't put effort in a relationship with a person they claim to love? Who just doesn't bother to ask one more time or even at all?

I don't know if it's just a test, but why the fuck would a test be needed? I'm normally laid back, but so many things are now pushing my buttons. It all feels like a test &I guess I fail.

I don't want my guard down &I don't have the strength for it, honestly.

I thought - I thought many things. But fuck this. I was afraid to get hurt for a reason, and look what's happening.

I can't anymore. I want to so bad. I need reassurance. I need to know it's not superficial.

Maybe that's my main issue. I feel like it's all about the physical and the idea of loving someone else - someone other than the first person they have ever loved. &Maybe it actually is. &That would be my worst. That's my fear now. &I can't face it.

I'm over it.