friends of convenience.

May 2.

This year has been CRAZY. There were so many new people I've met &I've grown to love. [= There were also many falling outs. But hey, new school, new life. For sure. Yet, what I've learned about myself is that I always want things to end up well, for everything to be happy in the end. However, people take that for granted &there are only so many cheeks to turn. What I'm talking about are friends who just use other friends only when it's convenient for them. But when the other friend is going through a hard time - a really hard time - they don't have time. What I've learned is that you shouldn't take shit from anyone, especially the people who are supposed to love you &be there for you. ...You know what? I'll give you the same amount of time you give me. Don't be surprised if I don't answer your calls or call you back. You're not an obligation, hun.

I've learned a long time ago that you just have to let people go because it's not worth being that unhappy with them than finding new happiness without them.

I'm finding happiness. Finally, babe. Don't be surprised if you're not one of my priorities.

Thank you very much.

under the weather.

I'm definitely not in the mood to do anything right now, although I know I should. I really need to finish up my art history paper because I just made plans for tomorrow. Great.

This end of the week is gonna be pretty hectic. Perhaps it's my pre-endoftheyear FUN. haha. Let's see. Wednesday: date (?). Thursday: clubbing with the girls (Riddhi, Taby, Mariana (I shall make her go. haha.), &perhaps Rocio.) @either Cinespace (I'm soo over that place. haha.), Level 3 (no comment.), or Element. Friday: clubbing with Riddhi (?) @Avalon. Saturday.. well it just goes on &on. I think I've actually mentioned this already, but whatever.

Well, my point WAS: I CANNOT be sick &I think it's about time I give my immune system a pep talk. I don't get sick, thank you very much.

Anyways, hopefully the sooner I get to my work, the sooner it'll get done &the sooner I get to sleep. It's the best thing that was ever invented. haha.

...&randomly, I've been missing my grandparents recently. This is for my people who just lost somebody. Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady... Lift your heads to the sky cuz we will never say bye. It doesn't get easier. It still hurts when I hear someone talking about cancer. It still hurts when I hear people talk about their grandparents. I never really got to know them &I just hope they're looking down on my family now, proud.

Besides, this - studying biology, becoming a doctor - all this is for them. I made a promise to my grandma &I'm sticking to my word.

Anyways, I can't do all this till I get better. So let the healing begin.

ohh dang.

Procrastination's a bitch. &I'm already on my way to "Summer Mode." The current project that needs to get done is my Art History paper on an artwork (of course). I chose Edgar Degas's Waiting. There's so much I know I can write about, but I'm just waaayyyy too lazy. Yes, it's only a five-page paper, but still, I'm lagging it until I can't lag no more. haha.

What sucks MORE is that I'm totally not thinking about school because I can't wait till Thursday &this weekend! Clubbing♥ ! I haven't been out-out in a while, minus that date with whatshisface. haha. But seriously, I'm on a MISSION when I go out. &It'll be uberly fun with Riddhi &Mariana. Hopefully, Rocio will come too, but we'll see. Friday will also be a club night, in which I am 65% sure'll happen. Saturday is a day for the boys, the brothers &Bryan! &Sunday... oh, that's just a day for work..

But seriously... how can I focus when I have this weekend to think about &HAWAII in about 4 weeks?!

BTW, getting amazingly beautiful grades for my classes aren't even an incentive because I've been getting A's this whole semester! ahh. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

ohh dang. Must snap out of it. Check.

33 days left.

Hawaii's coming... or rather, I'm leaving for Hawaii in 33 days. I think it's about time I get out of this goshdarn city, try more new things, &just explore. I've been focused in college all this time (you know, with a few dates, outtings, &random late nights here &there... but you get the picture.) &I need time off. After all, 7 years of school left! &I can't wait.

I just got outta my Women's Leadership class when a quote got my attention: "'I am finding new strength in myself; I may have always had it and just didn't know because I'd never had to call on it.'"

This freshman year in college has been the most dramatic, emotional, fun, crazy, rollercoaster-ish, &adventuresome year in my whole entire life. There were just so many changes I had to deal with. I thought by the end of summer all I really had to deal with was a broken heart, but then I realized how much college was different, how much my family means to me, how much new people can become such close friends, &how to cope with the losses of my grandparents. I realized... you know what? There is just so much out there in the world that are more important, like family, &I am not gonna waste my time bitching about certain events.

Am I strong? That's an ongoing debate I've had with Riddhi, Rose, &CJ for a while now. I just deal.

So now I need time off &live life happily, which is primarily my main goal. Living for ME &finding out just what I love in this world. No need to be dependent on anyone or anything. Boys? Oh, they're just beginning to get good. Smoking cigarettes? Nope, quit that. Irrelevant drama? There's more out there in the world.

Baby, I'm ready &Hawaii's just the tip of the iceberg.

Christia<3

baybee baybee.

the start of something new. we'll see how this works out.

[=