The Friend Imbalance.

I found out I'm nothing without you. Forever united here somehow. You've got a piece of me &honestly, my life would suck without you.

I don't think I've ever had this problem before in my life. It makes me feel so bad &it puts me in a sticky situation. I guess this becomes more common the older you get, with the friends you have accumulated. However, what happens when views of your friends clash? When you're stuck in the middle? How do you respect both without making the other feel disrespected, left out, or feel uncomfortable? Where's the balance? It sucks being caught in the middle, being the one to choose what to do. What if I made a wrong decision? Will they understand? Will they lose respect for me? I hate being slow - being unable to comprehend situations as fast as I'd want to. I just pray to God that my friends will understand. I hope they will understand what I am trying to do - finding the balance. I also hope that they understand my other friends. I genuinely believe they are not trying to make anyone feel bad.

Also, I'm finding it hard to spend time with certain friends. &This particular situation kind of made it worse. I don't know if I've changed, if they've changed, if the environment we are in has changed, or perhaps all of the above, but it just feels different with them. Especially when one of them has completely given up the effort, or so it seems. I'm willing to just see how it is, but I just don't know if I'm feeling it anymore, you know? I feel like such a bad person, but everything feels different. The only thing I can do now is wait. &We all know how I feel about waiting.

I'm currently in a sucky mood. I'm still generally happy, but this is just a funk. Hopefully I get better soon. I hate feeling this way when I know I really don't feel this way... If you know what I mean. Gah, OK now I'm rambling. But yeah.

In conclusion, I loooove my friends to death &never ever want to disconnect from them. When I say my friends are amazing, I fucking mean it. &I don't let amazing go. Not without a fight. But hey, that's just me.