As the title of the post explains, this will be a post of word vomit. Too much is on my mind. The theme &major point of it might be found out by me @the end of the post, if ever. Haha. But here it goes... Oh. By the way, the photos may be related to the post. Don't know just yet. Style, cohesiveness, &appeal may just be thrown out of the window for this session.
Topic #1. Just to get it out of the way. BOYS SUCK. Plain &simple. I don't think I've ever spelled that out on here. I always talk about how I'm moving on, how I'm heartbroken (was.), how I get my hopes up &whatnot. However, I have never just written this point. I'll be seen as a sexist, a feminist, &a plain-old man-hater. I think every woman goes through this phase @some point in their lives. Some longer than others. Yet I believe it is within this age that they begin to see it, if not earlier. We're @the part of the "curve" where the frequency of great guys are at a minimum. They're still immature, have issues they haven't quite dealt with, or are currently unavailable. The probability of finding a great guy at my age is, let's say, 1 in 100. &Even then, when we do find a great guy, there aren't any sparks or they are forbidden to you. So let's say 1 in 10 of these great guys are actually great guys. So that makes it 1 in 1000 random guys a great guy. Horrible odds. You'd have to date 1000 guys to find that one great guy that really sticks. Well, you don't really have to date that many guys, but the probability of encountering a great guy is 1 in 1000. Good luck ladies, we'll all need it. Hence, this is why most of my time, I don't even look for them. I'm done with looking. For now, of course. &I strongly believe us women should focus on other things that are more significant. Anyways, to continue my curve discussion... There comes a point where there will be a much larger frequency of great guys. They have grown up, worked on their issues, know what they want, &are available from past relationships that they have learned from. We just need to be aware to not pass this curve because I am sure this curve passes quite quickly. Therefore, the "banana" part of my theory. Have any of you noticed that bananas are hard to find in the perfect state? One day, they're green and unripe. The next day, they're rotten already. This is the same with boys. They're either still boys & not yet ripe. LOL. Or they're dunzoooo. Issues have overwhelmed them &they're not at all functional anymore. Boys are bananas &we're just riding the curve.
Topic #2. I've been so good @not bringing this topic back up (Well, sorta.) in detail. However, it has come back to haunt me with a vengeance. I know it's only because I'm human &a girl, but I was doing oh so well! This is ridiculous. At least whatever I'm talking about has been cut, deleted, erased, pushed out of my memory. I hope my friends understand that I don't mean to bring up the subject, that I have other things to focus on. 95% of the time I'm good. I know there are bigger problems in the world - in my life - to worry about, but this is important to me at the moment. I am forcing myself to get rid of these thoughts, emotions, and desires. I know how I'm feeling, I know why I'm feeling it, I know I should stop feeling it. Yet I can't. Just bear with me. Please. &I am truly appreciative of all your efforts in consoling me. Thank you.
-See I left another good man tonight. I wonder if he'll miss me. Lord knows I tried. ...But I think that maybe the thing that I did wrong was put up with his bullshit for far too long.
Topic #3. I am sooo angry @(a) friend(s) right now that it's ridiculous. You say you have no time &you just drop me/us. I'm taking it personal because I give you space, I make an effort to plan something around your schedule, nonetheless, yet you give me/us no chance whatsoever. I see you go out with other people &I don't get a shot. I don't even get a reply back. I love you &you're one of my oldesttttt friends. I hate to drop you like this, but you're fucking dropped. I'm not gonna stand for this behavior. PERIOD.
Topic #4. I'm not a heart breaker. Plain &simple. I always give someone a chance. When I don't, there's something up. You need to be happy that I'm not that girl. I still keep your feelings into consideration when mine are not. I still think about you when I know you don't. I tried talking things over &you dropped me. I come running when you show me a glimpse of hope which is really glitter & not gold. So you should be fucking celebrating in the halls of your high school that I didn't do what I could have done. I'm not that kind of girl. I'm the kind of girl that lies awake late @night when I've hurt someone - actually, I didn't even hurt someone, I spelled the truth out to them. However, you're the type of guy that can go through the motions, smiling &laughing as if I didn't mean anything to you because I really didn't mean anything to you &you played me like a fool. Congratufuckinglations. You sleep well @night, don't you? I'm not cut out to break a sweet person's heart. Some people aren't. But some people are complete experts.
Topic #5. I'm gonna miss Xie if he goes away. It's a given. I'm not gonna elaborate yet because it's not a for-sure thing yet. This reminds me of 4th grade. Everyone I love is leaving.
Topic #6. I need to snap out of this. I have a Chem lab report rough draft due... Like now. So I guess I'll get back to it. This was just the gist of what goes on in my mind on days like this. I don't even know how I'm gonna survive tomorrow night alone.
It's just one of those days...
1 comment:
Love your banana curve theory.
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