Cycles.

I would like to explain two patterns that have always affected the better part of my life. Let me explain first, however, that everything that I have endured, was forced to go through - all of that - I take on dauntlessly. I would rather have bad done unto me because I know I will try my best to get through it than have it done unto someone else. I'd gladly take on the suffering of someone else as long as they are happy and functional. Now, we will continue.

#1: We all know the kind of person you are: confrontational, stubborn, always right (or at least believes so), and incapable to learn these lessons because of the prior mentioned traits. I made a decision to stay away from all that because I know that because of your closed-mindedness, I would only be hindered as a person, my spirit would only be crushed, our relationship could no longer grow. However, with others, because they aren't around you 24/7, they can deal with you. "Small doses only, please," they say. Other times, you have cycles with your close relationships. You're their absolute "go-to" person for about a month or two. Then, a snag on the road comes along, be it distance, lack of communication, or a misunderstanding &you fall apart. Slowly, of course. You don't want to make it seem like it was your problem this person must get away from you. Then, after the person decides to forget about it, you swoop in &act strikingly amicable. A relationship begins once again. This cycle goes on &on until the person finally gets tired of it. Others aren't around you long enough to feel the restraint this makes on one's life. They don't feel the pain that is present when they are constantly not listened to or understood. They want to be the better person &forget about it, giving you a chance to learn from that mistake because, after all, we are accepting you back. Then, it happens again. I could go through this because, ultimately, I knew what I had to do in these situations - get away from you. I noticed it was a parasitic relationship and you will never learn. I realized that through all the smiles &laughs we had, you would only bring me down &take advantage of me. However, getting a call in the middle of the night from a teary-eyed friend is never what I want. I'd rather endure your faux friendship than have something happen to someone absolutely lovely and make it be multiplied by 24331874801740. Learn your lesson, please. Break off this habit. Exit this cycle.

#2: This cycle shouldn't even be mentioned with the above cycle that is so obviously &apparently superficial and due to ignorance. This cycle is about mental disorders. Somewhat. I feel as if my family issues are a vacuum leading to a horrific, decaying abyss. The cycle of abuse haunts me to this day. Maybe I'll elaborate later on in a delayed post, but now I will just explain the main points. I am tired of his cycles. Like I said before, I felt the verbal, emotional and physical pain he forced upon me. &Yet, I lived. I am a survivor. However, to other people who do not understand you as well as I do &feel nothing but love &patience for you are damaged and wounded by you. Nothing can stop you. You are your own parasite. As much as I love you, you must learn to see that all this is a recurring trauma that you have done unto yourself. Not only are you hurting yourself, but you are hurting all of us. In more ways than one. We're done with the excuses, the false hope, &tending to your every desire. You do not deserve all that we are providing for you. No one owes you anything. I don't know when I'll be able to move past this when you can't. You are our restraint. We want to break free, but more importantly, we want to break free with you by our sides.

I'm tired of all these patterns, routines, cycles. We need to be let go of, be uncontrolled, be listened to, be understood &most of all be able to move on.