Loyalty

Nowadays, loyalty means nothing. Such a blunt statement to say, but through these past few weeks - or even months - word means nothing. I automatically completely trust everyone around me. I am vulnerable to all my friends. I pamper them, feed them &support them through anything. Well you know what they say, "do unto others what you want them to do unto you?" I put out good karma. Pay it forward. But where is it all? Are my values now extinct? Have corruption, selfishness &pride taken over humanity? I begin to lose more &more faith in mankind. In religion. In faith. In promises. "Take what you can get" has been universalized to all aspects of everyone's lives - even those special relationships &friendships.

I feel like I can't even talk about being a good friend because, low &behold, where are my closest friends? Makes you wonder what the hell went wrong in how I was made. How can everyone lack consideration, discreetness, &proper reading of body languange? I had a strange dream during one of my naps. You know, one of those dreams when you wake up short of breath, wide-eyed &scared as hell. I believe my dream contained many motifs going on since the past week: my constant realization of my biological clock, my desire for stability, &friendship. I was asked if I would ever give a chance to someone who will remain unnamed. &Right now, I am indifferent. I will not ask for her help or reach out to her; however, I will not decline in conversation. This shows that it really isn't a priority for me right now. Yes, I miss them truly, but like I said before, they lack the consideration friends are supposed to have. It hurt a lot to find some things this week ¬ice some things this week, too. I constantly say that I want to fast-forward to the end of this semester. This desire has increased.

Me being me, I want to find solutions to these problems. However, confrontation &anger are not my kind of style. With these people, that would do the trick. I guess playing uncle replaced loyalty between the two people that used to be the best of friends. What a shame.