What Hurts the Most.

I said Ma &Lolo I'm going to love you till you don't hurt no more. See you're unbreakable, unmistakable, highly capable, a living legend, too. Just look at what heaven do - sent us angels, and I thank you. I wanna scream so loud for you, cuz I'm so proud of you.
Let me tell you what I'm about to do - I know I act a fool but, I promise you I'm going back to school. I appreciate what you allowed for me. I just want you to be proud of me.

(I don't have a photo of Lolo, yet.) It still hurts just as much when I think about them. It's been a year since the passing of Ma. She passed away from cholangiocarcinoma, a cancer that is always diagnosed late - a very rare type of cancer. It was all unimaginable. It was all unexpected. The hardest thing was to say bye bye.

Yesterday would have been Lolo's birthday. He passed away from myeloma. He underwent chemo, but his heart couldn't take it. He knew it was time to go &follow my grandma.

I miss both of them. I always regret not taking time to know them more. But it still hurts as bad. It's the little things I noticed. Like Ma's releno - a type of dish. She'd make extra just for me &knew that it was my favorite food. &Lolo's unconditional love. He was always so proud of us - of how well we grew up &the doors we were opening up. They didn't have money, they didn't have jewelry, they didn't have worldy items. They had time, they had love, they had their family. &If anything, that is what they have taught me - to put love &family first. To cherish &be appreciative of everything &everyone around them. Because they didn't have a lot - &that, that was okay. They never asked for much, but they lived as much as they could.

I hope that they're looking down on us &have a sense of pride. I hope they're happy &content to what we all have become. I am focused, I am disciplined. I am because of them.

Losing such passionate, loving, unjudging grandparents - or anyone else, for that matter, is what hurts the most. However, I can't also help but contemplate on how their suffering is over. They're okay. They're safe, they're always remembered.

I love you both &we'll see each other again. Thank you.