Category Mistake.

According to Gilbert Ryle, it is a mistake that shows you don't understand what kind of thing (category) something is. For example, asking the question "Is the law legal?" is a blatant category mistake. For someone to ask this, they may not understand the meaning of legal, or more importantly, the meaning of the law.

The question that I constantly ask is "Is this territory - the territory between friends and dating - a real relationship?" To analyze this question further, we must understand the meaning of a real relationship. A relationship is a connection between two people - at least the kind of relationship I am speaking of. However, a real relationship - as defined by me, &hopefully by most - is one where there is mutual caring, understanding, and effort by the two parties in question. Pretty easy, right? Now, we must look to the definition of the territory I mentioned... "between friends and dating." Now that... that cannot even be defined as a word. There's a connection and some sort of relationship there, but what is it? Red flag: it cannot even be described. It is possible the rules for it may be frequently changed by one party or the other. &This changing of rules... this is not a mutual caring, understanding, or effort, to say the least. This is a category mistake to ask this question because it does not even come close to the grounds of a real relationship. This territory is blurred, undefinable, unreal.

Now what to do with this unreal relationship? Although this territory cannot be described, it is still a territory I am stuck in. Am I okay being stuck here? Am I okay with the uncommitment? Am I okay with the longing? Am I okay with the constant changing of rules? Am I okay with the person this situation is forming me into?

I am not always unhappy. There are days, moments, nuances that make me hold on - that make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But, honestly, there are also times when I feel like, "Is this all there is?" Specifically, "Is this all I can get from him?" I don't believe it because I see it and feel it on the times we spend alone. The truth is, no one really can understand us. &That - that is where the downfall lies. Who is able to tell me I have to let go? I don't want to.

But am I making a category mistake when I ask "Can I hold on to something that is not defined as being there?"