Miss Independent.

She's fly effortlessly.

How did I get here? To being so torn, that is. I still don't believe I've lost myself in all this. I've just stopped taking care of myself. Not physically, academically, professionally, or anything of that sort. Yet, the major aspect remains: emotionally. Sometimes I forget about that aspect in my life, mainly because I let it control me behind closed doors. It doesn't get in the way of my physical health, academics, or work. However, it does slowly become something larger, mostly due to my passiveness &inability to just let it all out. That's actually a different story. Let's get back to my main point.

All my life, I had to learn for myself to not be dependent on many people. I mean, it just wasn't really possible for me to become dependent on anyone or anything when I was younger, due to the instability of things. Yet, I learned. &I'm definitely fine with it because I've understood for some time now that this just makes me stronger. Independence, right?

Well, I have recently fallen in love with an incredible person. I'm ready for a relationship. I want a relationship. But does that take away my independence? Does that make me dependent on the person? That's the struggle I've been having lately. I value my independence so much &I wouldn't have myself be any other way. But I also know I can't control how I feel about someone. As much as I'd like to put reason above emotion, I'm an emotional gal (as if you couldn't tell already). However, I know when enough is enough &I have my boundaries.

To quote the amazingly great Mariana, "Wanting to be in a relationship is different from needing to be in a relationship." I don't need you to be with me... I don't need to be with you. I want to be with you &if you're not ready, OK. I'll always be by your side as the girl behind everything. I'm still gonna get my shit done &stay the person I am, but I will not drop everything if this doesn't work out... Or even if it does.

&That's what makes me independent. Although shit happens, situations change, I fall in love, I still am who I am. I'm still motivated, determined. I am disciplined, I am focused.

Baby, don't get it twisted.