Re-calibrating.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I underestimated everything. I'm pushing my pride aside &telling it how it is. If shame is felt, there is a reason why.

I'm not very confident with my capability to grasp knowledge well, but I understood that I was more blessed than most. However, these past few weeks have not showcased my potential &my ability to rise up to the occasion. I'm falling behind. I'm not passing exams. I'm turning in late work. I seem like I have no interest in anything I do whatsoever. It's bad.

There is no excuse to my behavior because 1) I am not working @Crate &Barrel half as much as I used to. 2) I don't have as many units as I had last semester. 3) I don't go into work @UCLA as much as I had several weeks prior. The differences? 1) The MARC Program & 2) My conclusion: My social life.

I'm all about time management &I feel as if I misjudged how factoring in a social life into student life is absolutely unique and draining. I saw everything in short term. I thought I knew myself. I thought I knew what to do in order to optimize my efficiency. However, in reality, I stayed @zero &was not efficient at all.

I'm stating my problem publicly &the solution is obvious &undeniable. Get your shit together &stop with the distractions. I am human &I am like everyone else. I'm mortal &I have flaws. I never knew I would have to learn this lesson like this. Who would? Now, I have to make sure my priorities are in check &keep my main goal in mind -&it has nothing to do with being the greatest beer pong champion in the world, look like a fucking badass in front of people I don't even know, or get a stupid, unworthy guy to notice me. In the words of the United States Army, it's to be the fucking best I can be. &I know there are high expectations of me, set by me. &That's because I have the potential, the drive, the motivation &the tools to do so. I'm tired of all this second-rate bullshit, I'm better than that. I'm re-calibrating my priorities because I know I deserve more.