This one's for you, Riddhibaby.
I'll blog during a feeling of weakness, a weakness for love, which has not overcome me in a long time... Considering me.
I walked down Memory Lane tonight. It brought some feelings back up to surface. I'm left speechless, with a hole in my heart. I feel the same exact way I felt two years ago today - confused &still madly in love with Jaycee. I'm extremely lucky to have had a relationship so perfect, in terms of a first love. I'm happy to have not had any "drama" at the end of it like some of my friends have had. However, I really wish we could have kept in touch. I guess I can't have everything, right? I' m just curious to know how everything is. How everything would have been. How everything played through. Yes, I was there, but the situation seemed so hazy, so unreachable, so distorted. ...Especially after all the time that has gone by. No, I'm not still stuck. I'm just in a nostalgic mood. I wrote in an earlier blog saying that I have never found anyone to fill that void. It still stands to this day. However, I have all the time in the world to find that one person. I'm young, that's for sure. Yet, I'm not sure anymore if I want anyone to fill that void. It's not really a void - it's a space in my heart for him, which I know I will always have.
I'll find someone who fills my whole heart, who I can give my heart to completely &who I can unconditionally trust to keep it safe. It will happen.
Since I believe everything happens for a reason, I can be assured in knowing that this broken road that I have traveled will lead me to a great love, to a home.
He was my home, he was everything to me. We were strong, adventurous, trusting &innocent. It was a love I wish everyone in the world could experience @least once in their lives. After heartache comes happiness - with you or without you.
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