Misery.

You know the saying, "Misery loves company?" Well, misery was born through my family. As much as I love them &missed them terribly while I was away, it all seems so dysfunctional &downright miserable. Now, it makes me sad when I spend an extended amount of time with them. In order to fix that, I bought some food for Xie's so I won't have to stop by my parents' place. Is that so bad?

I'm glad I have Xie with me. I'm glad he turned down Canada. I'm so proud he was offered the job, I'm so proud he's the #1 Designer in Southern California, I'm so proud he went up to Calgary to see how he likes it. I'm happy, however, that he'll still be with me. I told him that with either decision he makes, I will support him. Obviously, I was leaning towards him staying. I need him &I would hate to have him thousands of miles away from me &our family. However, Calgary would have been such a great opportunity, with better financial circumstances &growth personally &professionally.

So, heading back from that tangent, Xie is far from misery. Yet, I am so compassionate &hate to see my parents &CJ this way. So this leads me to trying to bring more happiness in their lives. &This, then, leads to me being miserable with them. I love them to death, but I can't see how we can get out of being between a rock &a hard place. The only thing that is seemingly on our sides is time. Time for me to work hard &accomplish my goals, in order for them to get some breathing room. Our lives have been tough. I'm looking for the light @the other side of the room. They're needing guidance. For now, I need to let go of them &vice versa so I can seek that light &hopefully guide them to it once I have found it.

It's extremely tough to see my parents' in the situation they're in. Yet, it's tougher for me to accomplish what I have sought out to do if I am being held back by them emotionally.

Back to independence. They're always there as a support just in case, but I think I can hold myself up. I need to.