Risky Behavior.

I'm forgetting the weather changes. I'm forgetting my birthday. I'm forgetting the holidays. I'm letting go of the rain. I don't know what it is, but I really don't care. I'm happy at the moment even if everyone around me has questions. I'm scared, yes. But who would have ever thought I'd go this far? Who would have ever thought I'd be in this position? It's all new to me &I really don't mind. ...at the moment, of course.

"You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." I'm just afraid of crashing hard on the rocks without having to see a glimpse of what's ahead of me. My friend, Bryan, said that you can't get up from falling without falling hard &hitting the ground. I'm just so afraid to hit that floor - to hit rockbottom. It takes so much effort to raise yourself back up from a tiny decision you made just to tell the truth. &It's not fair. When is life ever fair?

No one ever wants to look like a complete jackass. No one ever wants to seem vulnerable. There's the fear. In Lloyd Alexander's Book of Three, one of the characters say, "Once you have courage to look upon evil, seeing it for what it is and naming it by its true name, it is powerless against you, and you can destroy it." This is a fear all of us have. Not just a fear of new, unchartered territory, but a fear of getting there &being rejected. But isn't it better to know for sure rather than longing &waiting, keeping your feelings bottled up &saved for something that is unknown? I'm so scared, but I'm so happy it happened. I must be extremely lame or just oblivious to everything.

"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want." &I'm 102% sure this is everything I want. ...So I'm not gonna give it up. But where do I go from here?